Not Exactly
by dbst
Summary: What would make Shawn turn down pineapple?


Ok, this just wouldn't leave me alone and I had to write it. Anyway I hope you think it's as funny as I did. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from the work on this site. No copyright infringement is intended.

Shawn casually walked into the Santa Barbra police station. He wasn't working a case and had no particular reason for being there, but he wasn't going to let that stop him.

"Hey Lassie-face!" he said exuberantly planting himself on the detective's desk causing a cup of pens to fall over a stack of paperwork.

"What are you doing here Spencer? Did daycare let out early?" Lassiter smiled at his own remark as he cleaned up the pens, carefully checking his detailed reports for any ink stains. If Spencer messed up the paperwork he had spent all morning working on he really would shoot the psychic, civilian or not. He was expecting a smartass retort from Spencer and when after a moment none came Lassiter looked up at the nuisance invading his personal space. He had to admit the man did look off. He had bags under his eyes, his hair wasn't completely standing on edge as usual and there was a weird stain on his red plaid shirt. Still, off or not this was still Spencer.

"Spencer get the hell off my desk. I have work to do."

"Aww Lassie I know you spent the whole morning thinking about me and only yell because you don't want people to know you care. It's ok though because I know." he lifted two fingers to his head in his usual "I'm psychic" manner.

"The only thing I care about right now is you getting away from me. Isn't there anyone else you can bother?" Lassiter had the exasperated look he usually got after being in the same room with Spencer for over an hour. He lifted his wrist to look at his watch; he had only been here for ten minutes. Where was O'Hara when he needed her? He would have to have a talk with her when she returned about when the appropriate time to go visit family was. And it defiantly wasn't when he would be left alone here with Spencer.

"Jules went to visit family and Gus is at work that leaves you!" He bounced slightly as he said it sounding like a four year old on Christmas morning. Before either realized what happened Shawn knocked over the cup of pens again, but instead of just the pens falling over like before they crashed into his paper weight, which then knocked over his stapler sending it crashing into his coffee. The detective's drug of choice, coffee three creams four sugars tipped over as if in slow motion before staining what was only seconds earlier meticulously completed paper a dark brown.

"Spencer if you don't leave me alone in the next thirty seconds I will shoot you." the detective ground out through clenched teeth.

"Fine Lassie-pooh I'll go see the chief." Spencer said before taking off.

"Oh great." Lassiter mumbled before taking off after the psychic. He wasn't going to be held responsible for letting that madman loose on the chief when she working. He reached the door just as Shawn burst through it.

"Hey chief, Lassie said that I should come talk to you because he's working." Shawn said smiling knowing Lassiter would get an earful for that later.

"Mr. Spencer how many times must I tell you to know before you barge in here." The Vick tried to sound stern but the effect was lost as she grappled for the remote to turn off that Spanish soap opera that everyone found so appealing. Ok maybe working was an overstatement.

"But chief I'm bored." Shawn said pouting before he plopped himself onto her couch. He laid back and closed his eyes.

"Mr. Spencer!" Vick said on the verge of shouting.

"Oh, Shawn I thought I saw you." McNab said smiling as he entered the room from behind Lassiter. "I brought some pineapple with me today if you'd like some." True to his word McNab hold out a small Tupperware container filled with the delicious golden fruit chopped into bite size pieces.

"No thanks Nabby." Shawn said without opening his eyes sounding if he was only moments for falling asleep. Because his eyes were closed Shawn couldn't see the shocked and worried looks he was receiving from the others in the room. Lassiter and Vick looked concerned, while McNab who was likely still in shock had yet to retract his hand which was still extended with its offering. It was if the world had stopped turning. Never in the past four years that they had known him had he refused pineapple. Ever. Even standing over dead bodies when it was wildly inappropriate he not only ate pineapple but devoured it.

"Mr. Spencer are you ok?" Vick asked as she was the first to regain composure.

"M'fine." Shawn mumbled still not sitting up.

"Detective may I speak with you outside for a moment?" Vick said. It sounded like a question, but was clearly an order. Lassiter followed Vick outside the office and pulled the door shut behind him.

"What's wrong with him?" Vick asked with what Lassiter thought was too much concern, but he'd be lying if he wasn't a little worried himself.

"I don't know he just got here about twenty minutes ago and managed to destroy my desk before going in your office." Lassiter said.

"Yeah, but do you think he looks a little sick?" Vick asked. Clearly becoming a mother had made her soft in Lassiter's opinion.

"I guess so."

"Well let's see if we can get him to go home." Vick pushed past him and back into the office. Buzz was still there looking at Shawn like a lost puppy.

"McNab don't you have work to do?" Lassiter asked causing the young officer to jump slightly.

"Um yes sir." Buzz managed as he practically ran from the room.

"Mr. Spencer why don't you go home, there are no open cases for you to work on." Vick said soothingly as she sat down across from him.

"Can't my bike's in the shop and Gus won't leave work to come get me for a few hours." Shawn said as he curled up into a ball like a kitten.

"That's all right detective Lassiter will take you." Lassiter's eyes widened as he silently pleaded with the chief to do anything but. She didn't budge. "Won't you detective?" Again it sounded like a question, but they both knew what it really was.

"Fine." he growled. "Spencer wait out by my car I'll be out in two minutes. I have to clean my desk." he said sarcastically.

"Ok, see you later chief." Shawn said as he got up and left the office. He stopped by Buzz's desk to say goodbye before he made his way to the parking lot. Looking around surreptitiously he pulled out his cell phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Dude you totally owe me twenty bucks, Lassie's giving me a ride home." Shawn said proudly.

"You know Shawn if you hadn't stayed up all night last night you wouldn't have spilled Red Bull down the front of yourself and I would have driven you home myself." Gus said.

"Yeah but that wouldn't be as much fun."

"So how did you get him to drive you home?" Gus asked curiously.

"He thinks I'm sick. He didn't believe me at first but when I turned down some pineapple…"

"Wait you said no to pineapple?!" Gus asked disbelievingly

"Not exactly." Shawn said smiling as he pulled the Tupperware container full of pineapple he swiped from Buzz's desk when he said goodbye from his pocket. He had the entire thing finished before Lassiter came out.


End file.
